the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
