Who wears a wallet chain?!
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize