Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I just pynch a tree in the face
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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