he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
