the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
