Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
