I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
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