Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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