Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize