she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
