watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
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