Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
