Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Just took my morning after pill in the library
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize