Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
