You can't motorboat a personality
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
