My sheets look like a crime scene.
I want to make a zoo with you.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
