if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
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