Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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