please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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