In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
