hotel room ftw
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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