my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
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