do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
