You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
