I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
