Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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