I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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