And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
