I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
