If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
