omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Randomize
