I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
