now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
