...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
