remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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