one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
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