I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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