I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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