addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
