good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
