and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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