dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
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