Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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