with your own penis?
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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