Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Randomize
