I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Is this like a preordered booty call?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize