I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
