ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize
