i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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