Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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