We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
