i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Randomize
