I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
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