I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
