I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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