i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
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