My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
