so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Randomize