I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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