He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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