I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
