he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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