id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
