You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
A bitchslap is in order.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
