can we get nightvision for the apartment?
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
