then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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